Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Most People Dream of Angels...

Most people dream of angels...We held one in our arms.

2012 will always be remembered as a year that changed our lives forever.  Our love, faith, strength, and trust have been tested like I could have never imagined.  My heart will continue to ache and my eyes will fill with tears every single day because of this year.  And despite the pain this year has brought, it is one that I will cherish, as it has brought us closer as a family, taught us a deeper meaning of love, and given us a greater appreciation for others.  In the new year,  I will live my life in honor of a precious baby boy who didn't get to live his, but who brought so much beauty and inspiration to our. 

Remembering our precious Angel, born on October 17, 2012...became an angel on October 19, 2012.

Proud big brother, Jaden
Proud big brother, Elijah

Our sweet little family of five (this is one of the only pictures of the five of us - one I will cherish forever)

Caleb had lots of visitors, who I am so glad were able to meet and hold our precious angel baby...

Caleb's great-grandma (my grandma) and his Nana (my mom)

 Caleb's proud Papa (my dad) and big brothers

My Aunt Mary
 Uncle Jeremy
 One of my best friends, Melisa
Proud daddy, great-grandma, and grandma

My Aunt Maureen and cousin Annie

When you give birth to a child, never does it cross your mind that you will have to say goodbye.  Our precious Caleb now soars with Angels.  But because of him, we are forever changed, and he will never be forgotten.




Saturday, December 15, 2012

Special Celebrations for a Special Baby Boy

It's hard to believe I haven't updated my blog in almost a year!  It's been a very busy and eventful year, to say the least.  Jaden and I both started kindergarten in August - he is in the classroom right across the hall from mine, and it's been awesome and exciting for both of us!  I am so fortunate to be able to continue working in a job-share positon, so I get to stay home part-time with Lijah Bear, which is so much fun!  And if you read the story of our precious angel baby, then you know that this year has also turned out to be the most difficult and heartbreaking of our lives.  We are all still trying to make sense of it all, while navigaing through the overwhelming feelings and emotions that have become a part of our everyday lives. 

The holidays have proven to be very trying on the heart.  Family get-togethers, while beautiful and heartwarming, have also become a hearbreaking picture of the reality we never imagined.  It's painful to experience the joy of being together, while also feeling a true emptiness and longing for our sweet baby boy to be sharing it all with us.

It's so hard to believe that Caleb has already spent his first Thanksgiving, and soon will spend his first Christmas, in Heaven.  Even though he is no longer with us, we know that he will forever be a part of our lives.  And before he was born, we shared some very special celebrations that were especially for him that I never want to forget - our gender reveal party, when we all found out that we were expecting our third precious boy; and my little pumpkin's baby shower.  These now hold extra special meaning, as they will always be some of the few precious memories we have of our angel baby.

Our Gender Reveal Party...
I thought it would be so much fun to have a Gender Reveal Party to find out the sex of baby #3.  I wanted it to be a surprise to everyone...Sam and I included!  So at my 20-week appointment, we told our sonographer we wanted to know...but didn't want to know the sex of the baby.  I asked her to write down the result on a piece of paper, and seal it in an envelope -- just to be safe, she double-enveloped and triple-sealed it!  Then we delivered it to our dear friend, who was going to make our reveal cake for us (so other than our sonographer, she was the only person who knew what we were having before we did)!  She colored the cake batter so that when we cut into the cake, it would reveal either pink or blue!  We asked all of our party guests to cast their vote by wearint pink or blue.  It was so much fun!

Sam comes from an all-boy family, so he was "Team Blue" all the way.  I was "Team Pink," but snuck some blue in there, too!

Lijah was on "Team Blue" and was sure that a baby brother would be "in the cake"

Jaden was on "Team Pink," hoping for a little sister.

Sam and the other "outlaws" - my sister-in-law and brother-in-law




Anxiously awaiting the big reveal...

Isn't our cake adorable! 

When I looked back at our pictures, I was so bummed to see that we didn't get a picture of the inside of the cake... obviously it was BLUE! 

My Little Pumpkin's Baby Shower...
Some of my wonderful girlfriends, along with my mom, threw a baby shower for me and my sweet Caleb.  The theme was pumpkins, perfect for my little October baby!

I never imagined I would love seeing pictures of me with my baby bump, but looking at these pictures now brings tears to my eyes because my precious baby boy was still with me, his little heart beating strong right under mine.

 My precious baby pumpkin cake, perfect for my little October baby!

The details were so adorable!  The glass jars were hand painted by my brother!  And on this tree were colorful leaves with wishes to baby Caleb, written by each guest at the shower.  The tree is still in Caleb's room, where I sit and read them often.  And the book, Squirrel's Fall Search, is also signed to him by each guest.

The table centerpieces, each with a little quote about baby boys.

The food table, filled with beautiful brunch dishes, all made with love.

 Wonderful family and friends

All of my gifts were hung on a clothesline so that everyone could see them all.  Such a fun idea!

My wonderful friend, Jennifer, and I.  She has two little girls, just about the same ages as Jaden and Elijah; and is expecting her third girl and I was expecting our third boy!

Some of my very best friends, and shower hosts, Lisa, Denise, and Melissa.  Love these girls so much.